I Gave You All
by hunterjumpertwilightfan
Summary: Leah is once again left to pick up the pieces when her alpha leaves her. But can she survive the heartbreak again?
1. Chapter 1

**Here is a little blackwater angst. For those few you have read anything of mine that I have deleted, I am hoping you'll see some improvement. Hope you enjoy**

**Characters belong to S.M even though she wasted these two... **

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><p><strong>But I gave you all<strong>  
><strong>I close my eyes for a while And force from the world a patient smile<strong>  
><strong>But I gave you all<strong>  
><strong>And you rip it from my hands <strong>

**And you swear it's all gone **

**And you rip out all I have**

**Just to say that you've won**  
><strong>Well now you've won <strong>

-I gave you all -Mumford and sons

I Gave You All

As she sat in the large plush leather chair, Leah watched the century old doctor search through a pile of paper; his eyes quickly scanning each bright crisp white sheet at an inhuman speed. She shifted for what seemed the hundredth time as her warm skin made a quiet squeak as it slid against the warm material.

"Everything looks like it is in order." Carlise murmured just loud enough for Leah to hear while flashing her one of his famous dazzling smiles. He flipped through the sheets one last time for good measure before closing the file and sliding it across his oak desk towards her.

The slamming of her russet hand to keep the file from sliding violently interrupted the silence. Leah took a deep breath before sighing.

"Listen, I am not one to question a leech's, ugh, talents. But are you sure it's all good? Cause it would really be a bitch to get all the way over there just to be sent back packing. That would just be another pain in my ass, and I really don't need any more of those. You know what I mean?" Leah whispered while raising her left eyebrow.

Carlisle chuckled before standing up and opening his arms for an embrace. Leah looked at him sceptically before giving in. She wrapped her long arms around Carlisle while resting her head against his cool chest. The fact that she could not hear a heartbeat did not escape her, nor did the crisp sickly sweet scent.

"We are going to miss you." Carlisle sighed before giving Leah one last quick squeeze. Leah stepped back to look up at his golden eyes and gave a smirk.

"You'll be happy I'm gone. Stop lying."

Leah didn't wait for his response before heading to the door. Her hand froze on the brass doorknob.

"Don't let him forget me. Okay?" Leah sniffed shaking her head at her own pathetic voice. She was choking up and she knew better than to think Carlisle couldn't hear it. She felt the burning in her eyes and she knew if she didn't get out of here quick he would witness her break down. She lifted the brown folder over her shoulder in a salute before taking one last breath.

"He could never forget you Leah. It's not possible." Leah nodded her head silently before finally letting herself out of his office. Her heart started to race as she rounded the final corner that lead to the back door. Her breath came in short pants and the feel of her brand new passport in her back pocket was enough to keep her from during right back around and giving up. She closed her eyes for her last two steps willing herself to take this step, this leap into the unknown and forget about her godlike alpha.

If Jacob Black knew what she was planning, he'd command her to stop where she was and forget her plans of leaving. Forget about turning her back on this shit life she was handed. He'd force her to forget the pain and the heartbreak she had suffered. He'd expect her to just plaster on that fake smile while he got to watch his imprint grow. He'd want her to witness his happily ever after even though he knew she'd never have one.

A single blistering hot tear rolled down her face before she had the chance to roughly wipe it away. The sobs were coming quickly, bubbling up in her chest leaving a burning in their wake. She swallowed loudly before gripping the sliding door handle and firmly pulling it open. The smell of rain and mud cleared her sense. The scent of leech no longer burned her nose. She was almost there. Almost free.

"Leah?" And just like that her world came crashing down. She lifted her chin and immediately met the warm brown eyes that had been haunting her for a year now. Jacob smiled brightly at her before putting Renesmee down on her feet. His young imprint gave him a confused look before pouting and following her mother to the house. Her father however, searched Leah's face. A look of guilt was thrown her way before he trailed after his family.

Leah stood awkwardly her hand gripping the folder so tightly it began to fold. Jacob's smile faltered as he looked down towards her hand, giving the folder a quizzical glance before shifting back up to her face.

"What, ah, what are you doing here? I thought we didn't have patrol for another ten minutes? Usually you just meet me out there. Is everything okay? What's in your hand? I mean. I just thought- you hate being here. Around them I mean." Jacob's right hand lifted to cup the back of his neck awkwardly while he shifted from one foot to the other.

"You're rambling Black". Leah's voice sounds cold, lifeless. She sounded very much like the old Leah and she couldn't help but hate herself at that moment for being so weak.

"Yeah I guess I am." Jacob chuckled. The look on Leah's face worried him. She wasn't pissed. That much he could tell. But her face had lost its colour, her eyes were cold and he hadn't seen this look on her face since Sam's wedding.

"Jacob, I need to talk to you, and I need to you keep an open mind okay?" Leah glanced at his face one last time before walking down the steps onto the cool damp grass. She walked past him hoping he'd get the clue and follow.

Leah walked silently listening to his heart beat and breaths as if they were her own. At this point they might as well have been. She needed him, she couldn't be without him and that is what made this whole mess so hard to deal with. She knew in a few weeks he'd leave her behind without so much as a second glace. He'd go on with life while she scraped together hers and tried to pick up all pieces once again.

Jacob followed Leah through the dense forest, staying a few feet back as he observed her. Her arms were crossed across her middle while the brown folder pressed against her hip. This was the only time in Jacob's entire life where he could see a resemblance between Leah and Bella. Bella held herself like this when Edward had left her. She said it was because she was holding herself together, but Jacob seriously doubted Leah was doing it for the same reason. Leah was strong, stubborn and she didn't need holding together.

Suddenly Leah stopped and Jacob was torn from his musings. His eyes narrowed and his head cocked to the side as he watched her shoulders hunch. She wasn't turning to face him, she just stood there arms crossed shoulders hunched and head bowed down.

Just as he reached for her, Leah turned on her heel. She lifted her head the same way she always did when she had set her mind to something. However, her jaw was clenched, her heart beat was speeding up and her breaths were shallow. He could smell her fear let alone see it and he knew, he just knew this was bad. Was she sick or hurt? He would have known wouldn't he? She had been doing patrols on her own for the past little while but he made sure to someone checked in on her after.

"Leah?" He asked while he saw her glance around the forest as if she was planning an escape. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before lifting her eyes to. She held his stare while lifting the folder up.

"This- this is um. This is. Crap." Leah began to stutter and it would have been comical if Jacob wasn't so nervous about where it was lead. "I talked to Carlisle a while back and asked him for his help."

She took another deep breath before starting again.

"I just wanted a chance you know? A chance at something I had always dreamed about. Before this whole mess I was this close. This fucking close to having it and then this shit happened and it was like I was thrown into the twilight zone. I mean really how fair? But I took it in stride. I mean yeah, I was a little bitter and maybe I didn't handle it as well as I could have. But it was a lot to deal with and I mean I wanted so much more." Leah finished quickly before gasping in a lung full of air.

"Lee, where are you going with this?" Jacob asked confused. He wasn't following her and didn't understand what she was trying to say. Leah looked up at him and moved a few feet closer. She lifted her empty hand up to cup his cheek gently. Jacob had grown accustomed to her gentle touches; they two of them had grown impossibly close. Closer than him and Bella had ever been and he enjoyed her softer side. His eyes closed on their own accord and he nuzzled into her palm before running his lips across it gently. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to look down into her face.

He had always admired her beauty even as a kid. In fact for as long as he can remember he always had a tiny thing for her. Before Sam was even in the picture, he had planned on how he would gain her affection. Now she was is best friend. His equal and the person he always knew he would have no matter what.

"Jake, I'm leaving." And just like that, Jacob felt every ounce of contentment leave his body. He threw his head back as if Leah had burned him.

"What the hell are you talking about Leah?" He couldn't help but notice her flinch back at his raised voice. He wanted so badly to reach out for her and bring her back to him but he could tell her walls were going up and that always meant there was a fight coming.

"This folder holds my high school transcripts and an acceptance letter from Oxford in it Black. Carlisle pulled some strings and got me in. There is also a lease agreement to a flat over there that I will be living in. I'm leaving; going away, ditching this god forsaken place and never looking back to you get it now?" Leah's voice had risen as she trembled in anger.

"And you don't get to be angry Jacob. You have no right to be upset and you most definitely have no say in the matter! Because in case you forgot you are leaving me here anyways. You've packed up your shit and you are just waiting for the day they haul your ass up to Alaska with them. I mean my god you haven't shut up about it since last month. All you talk about is how excited your little precious _Nessie _is!" Leah spat while closing in on Jacob, shoving his chest as she hissed his imprints name. Leah could not believe him after all this time she thought maybe, just maybe he would see her side. He would see how hurt and alone she felt. Seth had imprinted two months ago and since then she had been left on her own. Patrolling on her own, hunting on her own, living her life alone.

"Please Jake. Please, please be happy for me. Just try and be happy for me _please." _Jake could hear the pleading tone in Leah's voice but he couldn't see past his own hurt and anger. She wanted to abandon them. She wanted to run away from her duties and from her family without a single regret. And what was he supposed to do? Let her just up and leave. She was his Beta, his second and she wanted him to just accept her departure.

"I am sorry Leah, truly I am but I can't let you do this. As alpha of this pack I can't allow you to leave your tribe. Not when I' am already going to be gone. We need you here and you need to step up and realize this. Stop being selfish and think about your family for a minute." Jacob sighed as he watched Leah's lower lip tremble. He knew this was hurting her but he had to do it. It was for the best.

"Maybe in a year we can talk about this. When the younger pack mates are ready to step up but until then I can't let you leave. I just can't. "Leah's head began to shake back and forth as if she was willing his words away. He noticed the folder was slipping through her fingers and the rain had picked up.

"Jacob please! Please I don't want it to be like this. Please just look at it from my point of view. You're leaving and I am left here to clean up after you! Please Jacob! Collin and Brady can handle things and Embry! What about him he can still patrol he hasn't imprinted yet. Please don't take this away from me. _Please." _Leah's words were now coming out in sobs as she begged Jacob to reconsider.

"I am sorry Leah but you've given me no choice. I _command_ you to forget about this. You will stay in LA Push and you will lead the pack until I say otherwise." As the last word left his mouth Leah had lunged bursting into a bright silver wolf. Jacob missed her swinging paw by mere inches but before he could stop her she had taken off towards the forest. His eyes filled with his own tears and he crouched down to pick up the forgotten folder that was now caked with mud. As he slowly rose, he heard the heartbroken howl.

There would be no going back from this .

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><p><strong>Please take a little time and review<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two has been added too folks so please re read! Also thank you so much for reviewing! Means the world to me! **

**Please enjoy the new and improved chapter two!**

**Characters belong to S.m**

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><p>Weep for yourself, my man<p>

You'll never be what is in your heart

Weep, little lion man

You're not as brave as you were at the start  
>Rate yourself and rake yourself<p>

Take all the courage you have left

Waste it on fixing all the problems

That you made in your own head

But it was not your fault, but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

_-Little Lion Man/ Mumford and Sons_

It Was Your Heart on the Line

"Just give her five more minutes." Jacob ran his hands through his thick short hair again as his eyes searched the tree line.

"Face it Jacob, she's not coming." Bella sneered while putting the final bag in to the trunk. Jacob stood a few feet away with his back turned on his new family impatiently waiting for his Beta to see him off. They were leaving for Alaska today and it was his last chance to see her for the next while. For the next long while. His heart sank as he thought about how long he would actually be gone for.

He knew Leah was angry with him. He even understood it. But this was his final day and he always thought she would be the first person there to help with bags, get everything shoved into the tiny over expensive car and then throw her arms around him refusing to let go. Part of him knew that it was a long shot but he had still hoped. The last time Jacob saw Leah was the day he commanded her to stay in La Push. It had been three weeks since that day and each moment that passed without her by his side made his heart clench. She would be here right? He thought to himself. Leah was always there for him and always had been.

"Jacob we really must be going."

He looked over his shoulder at Edward reading his face for any sign that the she wolf was on her way. When he saw Edward shake his head he knew that there was no chance Leah was coming. Just as Jacob turned around he heard the familiar sound of paws hitting the ground. He froze and turned back around while a large grin spread across his face. He knew she'd come. Leah was his best friend and even if she was angry with him she would still come say goodbye. He meant more to her than she let on, he knew she wouldn't let a petty fight come between them.

Jacob jogged over to the tree line ready to embrace his best friend when he noticed the sandy brown wolf. He glanced behind Seth looking for some sign that the other Clearwater had come as well but was left unsatisfied. The large canine rose on his hind legs before phasing back into his human form.

"Hey Jake." Seth tried to give off his usual happy persona, but Jacob knew Seth was coming to give him bad news. He could see it on the young man's face. His eyes looked tired and hsi face was etched with worry.

"Listen- Leah, well she. She wanted to come really she did but- She's just upset right now Jake." Seth came closer and lifted a large hand to grip Jacob's shoulder in a comforting manner and offered him a small smile. Seth had begged Leah to come knowing her absence would hurt Jacob. But she had refused. In fact she refused to even phase back. She spent every moment patrolling running herself into the ground in order to forget that her dreams had been tossed aside once again for the rest of the pack. If Jacob wanted her to fulfill her duties, then she would. She would use every waking moment to prove that not even Jacob Black could break her. She was stronger than him. Stronger than all of them.

"Is she okay?" Jacob really didn't want to know if Leah was hurting. He couldn't take her hatred. She meant so much to him. That's why he couldn't let her go. She would leave La Push and go to England and never come back. He would probably lose her to some successful man and would be forgotten. As if he never existed. Just the thought of it left his heart burning. No, he couldn't allow that to happen.

"Yeah Jake, she's alright." Seth knew the truth would only hurt his alpha and as much as he cared for Jacob, he also knew if Jacob phased and tried to approach Leah, it would only make matters worse. If lying to Jacob would protect his sister, then so be it. Seth had seen Leah be tossed aside over and over. He watched Sam break every promise and her heart. He watched as Leah put on a brave face during his cousin's wedding. A wedding that should have been her, and then he saw her break apart again all because of another imprint. Jacob Black's imprint. Seth has seen Leah suffer enough. He could not allow it to happen again.

"But listen man, you should really get going. Looks like they're waiting for you. So I guess I'll see ya around alright?" Seth reached forward and gave Jacob a quick hug before heading back to the cover of the trees. With one last glance Seth phased and ran towards the treaty line.

Jacob stood frozen and unsure of what he should do. He really wanted to phase and try and get Leah to at least say something to him but the sound of honking caught his attention. Bella had shifted over her husband and began pressing her palm against the steering wheel with a scowl on her face. A scowl that matched the one Renesmee had on her lips. They had never looked so simillar. He gave them a grimace of a smile before looking through the forest one last time.

"Jacob, you really fucked up this time." He sighed to himself before walking to the car. He slowly slid into the back seat with his imprint and leaned his head against the tinted window.

"Mommy, why didn't Aunt Rose and Uncle Em come say good bye. " Renesmee asked as she fidgeted with her new ipod.

"Because sweetheart, Aunt Rose had something else to do." Bella replied without looking away from the mirror she had in her hand. Renesmee seemed upset with this answer and gave a pout while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why did she go to see Leah? We're the ones leaving!" Jacobs's attention was pulled from the passing trees as he met Edward's eyes in the rear view mirror. Edward gave him a look of pity before focusing back on the road; while Bella tensed waiting for Jacob's outburst.

"Blondie went to go see Leah? When?" Jacob could felt his pulse quicken while his body began to tremble. His heart squeezed painfully at the thought of Leah replacing him with the blonde vampire. Since when had they become so close. Why was she allowed to see Leah when he couldnt even get within a hundred yards of her.

"Does it really matter Jacob?" Bella replied in a bored tone." If she wanted to see you or talk to you, hell, even have anything to do with you she would have come by. But she didn't. She didn't come say goodbye and as far as I am aware you two haven't spoken in weeks so forget it and forget her. It is time to move on from this place and from that life. You have Renesmee now."

Jacob's eyes widened at her words. This was not the Bella he knew. This vampire in front of him was cold and uncaring. Did she not understand that Leah was a vital person in his life? He needed her just like Bella once needed him. Just as Jacob opened his mouth his hearing picked up on a distant howl. A howl full of pain and mourning that shook him to his very core.

It was Leah.

"Pull the car over! Damn it pull over now!" Jacob screamed while he threw open the door and leapt out before the car had come to a complete stop. Before Jacob knew what he was doing, he had phased and was running full tilt towards his home.

His tongue lolled out of his mouth as he began to pant.

_Leah? If you're here please just tell me. _

Jacob waited and listened for any sign of her while he pushed his body faster towards the familiar land.

_Leah please. Don't shut me out I need you. I'm sorry._

There was still no answer, only silence. Jacob slid to a complete stop and waited for some sign that Leah was there with him. Jacob heard footsteps behind him and he knew Edward had followed him.

"Stay if that's what you need to do Jacob. I will never expect you to drop everything and come with us." Jacob turned around to meet his eyes before dropping his head in defeat.

_She's not coming is she?_

"No Jacob, I'm afraid she's not." Edward replied sadly before making his way back to the parked car after leaving a pair of cut-offs on the ground . Jacob sighed before phasing back and following the vampire. He sat back down on the warm leather seat before shutting the door tightly behind him.

"Of the all the ridiculous- really Jacob? Are you finally ready to grow up? Because another stunt like that and I may just throw you out myself. You had Renesmee worried sick. Now let's go." Bella huffed while she crossed her legs. Nessie looked over at Jacob with a pout before turning away from him.

Jacob ignored her angry rambling while the fought the stinging in his eyes and the trembling of his lower lip. Leah didn't come. He had hurt her for the last time. She had given up on him and it was his fault.

He really fucked it up this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello there! Yes I am still alive and have updated! I also added to the first two chapters so go back and re read! I am so sorry for such a long wait but I got caught up with life. Hopefully this chapter will allow you to forgive me! Also a big thank you goes out to all of you who reviewed! I adore you! Now go on and get reading!**

**Characters belong to S.M. even though she ruined Blackwater.**

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><p>Come on skinny love just last the year<br>Pour a little salt we were never here  
>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my<br>Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all  
>Cut out all the ropes and let me fall<br>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
>Right in the moment this order's tall<p>

I told you to be patient  
>I told you to be fine<br>I told you to be balanced  
>I told you to be kind<br>In the morning I'll be with you  
>But it will be a different "kind"<br>I'll be holding all the tickets  
>And you'll be owning all the fines<p>

Come on skinny love what happened here  
>Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere<br>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
>Sullen load is full; so slow on the split<p>

I told you to be patient  
>I told you to be fine<br>I told you to be balanced  
>I told you to be kind<br>Now all your love is wasted?  
>Then who the hell was I?<br>Now I'm breaking at the britches  
>And at the end of all your lines<p>

Who will love you?  
>Who will fight?<br>Who will fall far behind?

Who Will Love You?

"He's a dog Leah. I mean he really is, like he turns into a giant dog." Emmett had been trying to make Leah smile for the past hour as he watched her stare blankly out the window. Rosalie stood by with her arms crossed watching as her husband cracked joke after joke. Her heart sank for the she-wolf. She had only ever seen Leah Clearwater as the strong independent woman everyone knew. This was not her.

Leah looked fragile as her ashen face reflected the dull glow of the grey cloudy sky. Her eyes looked tired and lifeless and her face was void of any emotion. Her body gave off a sickening aura, as if she had given up on everything.

"Lee, you have to move honey." Rosalie's chiming voice echoed through the quiet room. She made her way over to the she-wolf and gently stroked down her thick black hair. Leah had refused to move since she had phased back earlier that day. In fact Rosalie was sure she had yet to eat since she had talked to Carlisle. Her cheekbones had sunken in slightly and her long limbs seemed thinner than before.

"I will get Carlisle over here Lee, I swear I will." Leah blinked in response but didn't move. She was frozen in her heart break.

"You know, I finally thought I had my ticket out of here." Leah's voice was hoarse and quiet as she finally turned her attention to her friends. "I was free. I was leaving and starting my life finally. But now, now I am stuck here again. This is my life now. I have no choice; none of the decisions are my own. I will just waste away carrying the pack on my shoulders until-"Leah paused.

"Until when Rose? When will I finally get to be free? Jake is gone and the pack is without an alpha. Do I have to wait until they have their own little children? Do I have to wait for the next alpha to be born to live my life?" Leah wiped her face with the sleeve of her father's oversized sweater. It seemed to be the only thing keeping her somewhat calm. The only thing keeping her in this world. In reality.

Rose couldn't pull her eyes away from Leah's. She crouched down and cupped her warm face between her hands trying to get some sort of reaction from her.

"I promise Leah, you will find every happiness this world has to offer. You will live your life and find love. I swear that I will do everything in my power to make sure you have decades' worth of blissful years." Leah graced her with a small smile before giving a curt nod. "Now let's get you cleaned up and ready to face the day as the new alpha as La Push. When I am through with you the pack will be bowing down at your feet."

Rosalie grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the shopping bags she had left in the living room. Emmett watched his wife with an amused expression. Leah Clearwater was a hell cat. She was sarcastic, rough, and a major pain in the ass. But she was also the only other person except from him that could bring out this side of Rose. Rose had been worried sick that Leah would not be able to come out of this depression and it had affected her greatly. He knew his wife had found a sister in the she wolf and he would make damn sure that Rose never lost her, especially not to Jacob Black's stupidity.

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><p>Leah could feel him slowly pulling away. It was as if his spirit which had been tightly tied in with hers was drifting from her body. She had never felt so alone before in her life. Even after Sam had broken her heart and her father had died, she still felt more whole than she did now.<p>

She sat in the chair as Rosalie brushed out her thick hair. The vampire continued to try and make small talk. Trying to gain some sort of response from the she-wolf but Leah was just so tired. So damn tired. Couldn't she just give up this one time? She had been strong for so long, so long that she couldn't remember what it felt like not to have to hold herself together by every thread of her heart.

Leah was weak, lifeless and she just wanted it all to stop. She wanted to be that girl again. The girl with huge dreams, the perfect boyfriend, the best family and everything she could ever want. She wanted to be able to go to the beach and feel the sunshine without remembering sitting on the sand in Sam's lap talking about how many children they would have or where they would go to college. She wanted to be able to hike through the forest without having to look over her shoulder in case the massive russet wolf was there waiting for her to come to his beck and call.

Leah just wanted to be a damn normal girl again.

"Lee?" Rosalie gently shook her shoulders after she noticed Leah's faraway look. She grew concerned as Leah reached up and grabbed her chest, bunching her father's sweater in her first right above her heart.

"It hurts Rose." Suddenly Leah was on her feet one hand clasped over her mouth the other still grasping at her heart. The she-wolf ran past Emmett and out the back screen door before either vampire had a chance to stop her.

Rosalie made it to the door just in time to see Leah phase into her wolf form. She stood there shocked and helpless as her husband came to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

"She'll make it through Rosie. Have faith." Emmett gave his wife a gentle squeeze when he felt her sobs break through. He prayed he was right because he knew if Leah didn't make it Jacob Black was a dead man walking.

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><p>Leah's paws thundered across the ground. She didn't know where she was going but she had to run. She had to feel the only freedom she had been granted. She would run and run if it meant that the pain in her chest would stop.<p>

A little part of her wondered if this is how her father felt before his heart attack. Was that going to be her fate as well? It would be ironic wouldn't it? Leah Clearwater dies of a heart attack. Or maybe it would be a broken heart that killed her. Weren't they the same thing? After all how many times could one person live through heart break before the organ finally gave out on them?

It couldn't be possible to continue living after feeling this pain. Again.

Leah continued to push her legs faster as she felt her lungs squeeze painfully in protest. There was no way in hell she would let her body dictate when she would stop. That was her decision and she would keep running until the pain passed and she found numbness.

Numbness. What a blissful feeling that would be.

Leah was just getting to the edge of it when she smelt _him, _and just like that the pain was back. Leah slowed to a trot when she realized where her wolf had taken her. Right back to him, right back to the spot where they had made their final goodbye.

It must have been some kind of sick joke to the ancestors. They really must have wanted to see how far they could push her until she broke.

_Well I'm there okay! I'm fucking there_

Leah screamed in her mind. She finally let the adrenaline leave her body and gave into her exhaustion. She flopped to the ground panting as a single tear rolled down her grey fur covered cheek. Her heart was breaking and she couldn't do a single thing to stop it from happening. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she hadn't been kind enough or generous enough in the past before everything happened. Maybe she didn't appreciate her life and her family and all the amazing things she had. Because surely if she had none of this would have happened. She wouldn't be so broken and alone. She would be loved and treasured.

All the memories and pain and heart ache began to bubble up in Leah's chest and she felt like she was being consumed by fire from the inside out. So she did the only thing she knew how. She threw her head back and howled.

She howled for the lost loves, the broken hearts, for her dead father and for the girl she once was. But mostly she howled for the girl she would never be. She would never be an Emily. Never be a mother, or the first choice. No Leah Clearwater was and would always be second choice, the runner up. She would never be Sam's first choice or Jacob's. She would never be the daughter Sue wanted or the sister Seth earned for.

She would be cold, bitter Leah.

A freak amongst freaks.

An abomination.

How pathetic.

Leah felt the familiar shiver run through her body before she phased back. Laying in the damp grass broken and unworthy. The only one of her kind and the only one who would be left all alone in the end. She couldn't fight anymore. She didn't have any more fight left in her.

Leah Clearwater was finally giving up. Let the world know, Jacob Black had finally broken her beyond repair.

How sad.

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><p><strong>Please take a little time and review!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello There! Now here is chapter four. Thank you again for all the amazing reviews! You guys make my life. Also please keep in mind this is angst so there are no butterflies and rainbows anytime soon and yes some of the characters are pricks *cough* JAke, BElla and Nessie *cough* But its my story and that is just the way the cookie crumbles. **

**Also I suggest listening to the songs posted. I do choose them specifically :) they are not super popular so I am hoping they may be brand new to some of you :) Anyway I will let you get to reading. Please enjoy!**

**Characters belong to S.M -.- which is bull **

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><p>I'll sing it one last time for you<br>Then we really have to go  
>You've been the only thing that's right<br>In all I've done

And I can barely look at you  
>But every single time I do<br>I know we'll make it anywhere  
>Away from here<p>

Light up, light up  
>As if you have a choice<br>Even if you cannot hear my voice  
>I'll be right beside you, dear<p>

Louder, louder  
>And we'll run for our lives<br>I can hardly speak, I understand  
>Why you can't raise your voice to say<p>

To think I might not see those eyes  
>Makes it so hard not to cry<br>And as we say our long goodbyes  
>I nearly do<p>

Light up, light up  
>As if you have a choice<br>Even if you cannot hear my voice  
>I'll be right beside you, dear<p>

Louder, louder  
>And we'll run for our lives<br>I can hardly speak, I understand  
>Why you can't raise your voice to say<p>

Slower, slower  
>We don't have time for that<br>All I want is to find an easier way  
>To get out of our little heads<p>

Have heart, my dear  
>We're bound to be afraid<br>Even if it's just for a few days  
>Making up for all this mess<p>

Light up, light up  
>As if you have a choice<br>Even if you cannot hear my voice  
>I'll be right beside you, dear<p>

_Run/ Snow patrol_

Run.

The house felt cold, lifeless and foreign. Each wall was painted the same neutral off white colour. Jake traced the south wall with his eyes; he followed it all the way up to the cathedral like ceilings. Everyone else was in a busy around him. The denali clan were bringing in box after box and a regular speed. It had something to do with Bella wanting a natural move for Nessie. Like somehow, moving at a mortal pace would make her more human. However, the young girl was no where to be seen anyway. Nessie had grown tired of Jake's attitude and had gone out hunting with Tanya leaving him alone in the massive house with strangers and her parents. He had never felt so alone. The still air chilled him to the bone and he felt like an outsider.

This was not what he wanted.

Jacob wasn't sure what he pictured. But this was not it. He knew that it wouldn't be picture perfect but this, this was something else entirely. It was like he was a guest in his own life.

"Jake, would you like to see your room?" Jacob spun around to see Bella waiting impatiently in the hall way at the edge of the stairs. One had was on her hip while the other was lifted to her face as she looked at her perfectly painted nails in boredom. Jacob gave the room one last once over before shoving his hands in his pockets and following his former best friend up the winding stair case. In usual Cullen fashion the house was over the top and massive. Impractical and like nothing he had ever lived in before. This was not home to Jacob. A home should have been some little house out in the woods with an old wood stove and a big front porch. It would have been somewhere to seek comfort. This house seemed more like a hospital than a home for a young child and her family.

"Your room is the one on the left, across from Renesme's naturally." Jacob gave Bella a quick nod in understanding before twisting the door knob open and stepping into his new room. But to Jacob it felt like he was stepping into his new life, being forced to forget everything else he knew. He felt like he was expected to welcome all these changes with open arms and without a single look back.

This room felt exactly like the living room down stairs. Cold and draining. Beside the king size bed there was a small desk with a framed picture of Nessie and Bella. On the other side of the room there was a closet full of brand new designer clothes. Clothes he didn't want. Clothes he didn't ask for.

"We figured you should fit in with us, so you will have to try and give up the ratty old shorts and shirtless look Jake." Bella's voice seemed mocking as she gave Jacob a quick once over before turning on her heel and leaving him alone in his new room. He waited until the clicking of her heels faded before he broke down.

"_Leah_"

Her name left his lips in a strangled sob as he threw himself onto his bed, both of his fists clenching the bed sheets as he buried his face into the plush mattress. He wondered where she was and what she was doing. Was she falling apart like he was? Did she feel that constant painful ache in her chest like he had for weeks? Hell, he couldn't even remember how long it had been since he had seen her face but it felt like a life time.

"_Leah"_

Jacob tucked his knees up towards his chest and hugged a pillow close to his face. He was falling apart and it was happening faster that he thought possible. Hot tears ran down his face as he sobbed her name over and over. It became his prayer. His only guiding light in this new life. The only thing he kept with him from his past. The only thing he refused to let go of.

Sleep was closing in on Jacob when he heard a swift but gentle knock on his door. Jacob sat up quickly scrubbing his face free of tears before facing the unwanted visitor.

"Jacob, I- I know how hard this is for you. Well I can only imagine and I am sorry that this is how things turned out. But I have my cell phone on me and perhaps you would like to try and give your friends a call. Give Leah a call."

Edward quietly stepped forward handing Jacob the phone. Edward picked up Jacob's other hand, placing it over the screen making Jacob cradle the device as if it was his saving grace and with a nod he left him to decide. The phone felt like a hundred pounds in his hand and so did the decision that was looming over him.

Jacob's hands began to shake as he pressed the familiar digits into the phone. With a deep breath the brought his shaking hand up to his ear and waited.

"Hello?"

With one simple word Jacob's world came to a halt. He didn't know how to proceed. How would he ever be able to fix this?

"Hello?"

The repeated word snatched Jacob out of his musings. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat but no words came out. It was as if he was drowning and there was no way to reach the surface. All he needed was one little word. One god forsaken sound and then he could figure the rest out. But damn it his mind just wouldn't follow through.

_Come on Jake_

_Jesus man pull it together!_

Just as Jacob opened his mouth, he heard the resounding _click._

"You are such a fucking idiot." He closed his eyes and lifted the phone to his forehead, hitting himself repeatedly with it. Jacob took another lung full of air before hitting the redial button. He heard the dial tone and as soon as he noticed the other line pick up he blurted the only thing that had been in his mind.

"Leah"

There was a distinct pause before he heard anything on the other line.

"Jake man, is that you?"

"Seth, yea it's me." Jacob tried his best not to sound disappointed. But he knew it leaked through. How could it not, he just had the chance to say what needed to be said only minutes ago and now he wasn't sure if he would get the chance again.

"Did you just call? Cause Leah said- cause we just had a random phone call." Seth's voice dropped in volume and he seemed worried. Jacob assumed Leah was somewhere nearby and he was now sure he was the last person she wanted to have contact with.

"Yea that was me, I was hoping to ugh, talk to Lee" He could hear Seth sigh on the other side of the phone and he knew then that there was no way Seth Clearwater would allow him to have any contact with his sister.

"Jake listen, I just don't think that's a good idea. Yea know man. It has been pretty rough on her and I am just not sure if she is ready to talk to you. I know you didn't mean for things to get out of hand like this. But you _commanded _her Jake. You took her choices away and that's all she had left. I know you really don't want to hear this but I think it's best if you don't call here again for a while okay? I just, I need to protect her. I've done a shit job over these past few years and I know that. But this time I need to be her brother, be her support. Even if that means protecting her from you."

Jacob felt like he had been punched in the gut. Leah needed protection, from _him_. The very thought shook him to the core. Little Seth Clearwater had to protect his sister from him.

"Ugh yea Seth I get it. Just um, take care alright and just _please _take care of her. Please try and tell her how sorry I am and I will be home soon and when I am I _will _fix this. If she wants to go to England she can. Hell I'll even fly her to Cancun if it will help. Just please let her know that I love her and I promise that she will have whatever future she wants."

Jacobs hand had crept up his chest until it lay over his heart. He could feel the painful thudding through his entire ribcage. It was so painful he had to concentrate on his breathing so he wouldn't pass out.

"Sure thing Jake, I ugh, I guess I'll talk to you later. I'll say hi to your dad for ya. Say hi to Ed for me." And with that the line went dead.

Jacob was alone again.

Alone with his breaking heart and his cold white room.

* * *

><p>Please take a little time and review!<p> 


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